Feeling so frustrated tonight. Not sure why just wanting to get away and vent, maybe spend some money with out the guilt and eat some chocolate.
All may be possible except the chocolate. If I eat it I will have a headache from hell the next day.
I haven't eating chocolate in so long that when I do eat even a little taste. It just does not taste the same. In fact it taste Gross.
I don't feel pretty, I feel fat and unattractive. Tired of my stomach aching and cause painfully cramps. Wish I had a hair stylist. Wish there was somewhere to buy clothes in my size that don't cost a fortune.
I really want a organizer to come help me finish my room. I really want everything in a place and to be able to go in and craft and create. I feel like making something new. UGH!
Yes just frustrated over everything today I guess.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Just Shut Up!
I go to the doctor for help not be lectured about my life and what I need to change. I know what I need to change. Reminding me of them does nothing in helping me. In fact it makes me more depressed. SUICIDAL and shaky. Go ahead tell me what I'm doing wrong stress me out and push me over the edge. You idiot! Find a new job, your not put out for this line of work. Hopefully I can get past this too, and move on.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
20 or less!
20 Items or less,
I had 21.
Is it a curse to have more than 20 or 10 at check out? The cashier said nothing, the women behind me said, Do you realize this is 20 or less?(with a attitude) I said yes I do.(nicely) She said can I go in front of you I only have 2? I said no I'm trying to get to school to pick up my kids. Which I was in a hurry. There were 4 other speedy check outs she could go to. But NO she just stood there and glared at me. I'm surprised I didn't say more to her. I must be losing it. I felt like telling her where to go. But I did have 2 of my kids with me. I guess I was trying to set a good example.
Usually I let people go in front of me. I usually Even offer. But my 2 little kids have been whining all day and I was not in the mood to be nice. Especial to someone who is not nice to me in the first place.
Days like today I would like to go to my craft room and just be left alone. But that is not likely to happen. Guess I will just eat chocolate and scream at the world under my breath.
I had 21.
Is it a curse to have more than 20 or 10 at check out? The cashier said nothing, the women behind me said, Do you realize this is 20 or less?(with a attitude) I said yes I do.(nicely) She said can I go in front of you I only have 2? I said no I'm trying to get to school to pick up my kids. Which I was in a hurry. There were 4 other speedy check outs she could go to. But NO she just stood there and glared at me. I'm surprised I didn't say more to her. I must be losing it. I felt like telling her where to go. But I did have 2 of my kids with me. I guess I was trying to set a good example.
Usually I let people go in front of me. I usually Even offer. But my 2 little kids have been whining all day and I was not in the mood to be nice. Especial to someone who is not nice to me in the first place.
Days like today I would like to go to my craft room and just be left alone. But that is not likely to happen. Guess I will just eat chocolate and scream at the world under my breath.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
What the #@;;!
Some times I wonder is it worth all the fuss. I try and try to be a good wife a good mom and a good neighbor. And most of the time I feel like I fail miserable. Does the reward really come later as they all say? Or do they just hope like me that we will be rewarded in the end.
The days are long and filled with stress and lots on the to do list. More than can be accomplished in a 24 hour period. So are we stressing ourselves out for nothing? Will our kids ever appreciate all we do for them? Someday I hope!
There are days when the world seems to be after me, and then there are days that are sad and lonely, and yet still, days that are lost. Days I don't remember. What is that about?
Someday I hope to get my answers.
The days are long and filled with stress and lots on the to do list. More than can be accomplished in a 24 hour period. So are we stressing ourselves out for nothing? Will our kids ever appreciate all we do for them? Someday I hope!
There are days when the world seems to be after me, and then there are days that are sad and lonely, and yet still, days that are lost. Days I don't remember. What is that about?
Someday I hope to get my answers.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wondering WHY?
When I was younger I had a few kids I played with, but none I would actually call my friend. They only played with me when there was no one else and often would invite me over with another friend and then they would Perseid to make fun of me and try to make me cry. Eventually they would take of with the other friend and leave me behind. I thought as I got older that it would get better and I could find a friend. Someone to hang with, to share my thoughts with and someone who would remember my birthday and to call me to go to lunch or just to see how things were going, or even to tell me their feelings and thoughts. I have yet to find anyone.
Is it me,(probably). I do so much for other people just to have them like me. I remember every ones birthday and think of people often and take them card, flowers and candies. (Just because). If I have something someone likes or wants I often give it to them or find I way to get them one of there own. I spend the majority of my time make things for others. Hoping that will show them I care for them. I have yet to see anyone do that for me. I have never been invited to lunch with a friend or over to any ones house just to hang. If someone does call me or invite me over it is because they need my help to make or do something. They get my assistance and leave me hanging alone.
I see other women in my area going to the movies and to lunch with friends and getting together for girls night out.
Where do I fit in. I have given up on trying to make someone like me. I do not call people anymore to see if they want to go somewhere or do something. I have gotten tired of rejection, and disappointment. The crying and eating of chocolate has become a norm, and It's getting old. When it my turn to feel accepted and loved?
When do I get a true friend?
Is it me,(probably). I do so much for other people just to have them like me. I remember every ones birthday and think of people often and take them card, flowers and candies. (Just because). If I have something someone likes or wants I often give it to them or find I way to get them one of there own. I spend the majority of my time make things for others. Hoping that will show them I care for them. I have yet to see anyone do that for me. I have never been invited to lunch with a friend or over to any ones house just to hang. If someone does call me or invite me over it is because they need my help to make or do something. They get my assistance and leave me hanging alone.
I see other women in my area going to the movies and to lunch with friends and getting together for girls night out.
Where do I fit in. I have given up on trying to make someone like me. I do not call people anymore to see if they want to go somewhere or do something. I have gotten tired of rejection, and disappointment. The crying and eating of chocolate has become a norm, and It's getting old. When it my turn to feel accepted and loved?
When do I get a true friend?
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